Conan the Terrorist-Killing Dog Visits the White House

If you hate Donald Trump so much that you think every single thing he does is wrong, but you’re also a dog-lover, today is a very, very bad day. What you’re about to see is going to cause such excruciating cognitive dissonance that I almost feel guilty for laughing at you.

Almost!

NEW: President Trump honors Conan, the hero dog injured in the raid that led to the death of ISIS leader al-Baghdadi: “Conan did a fantastic job and we’re very honored to have Conan here and to have given Conan a certificate and an award.” https://t.co/Bqol3VEWS1 pic.twitter.com/0ZcImnpZIS

— ABC News Politics (@ABCPolitics) November 25, 2019

Update: CONAN THE DOG IS HERE pic.twitter.com/3x0vR3ekWP

— Sarah Westwood (@sarahcwestwood) November 25, 2019

“Conan’s prime time… Ultimate fighter. Ultimate everything.”

– President Trump 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/QwgACvMF25

— Nathan Brand (@NathanBrandWA) November 25, 2019

.⁦@realDonaldTrump⁩ introduces Conan, who he says is the most famous dog now in the world. He has given him a plaque. Trump says Conan knew what was going on during the Baghdadi raid. pic.twitter.com/AGqSOnaC5m

— Jeff Mason (@jeffmason1) November 25, 2019

Find someone who loves you like Conan the terrorist-hunting pup loves head scratches from @VP. pic.twitter.com/sDMfdkFWoc

— YAF (@yaf) November 25, 2019

President @realDonaldTrump honors ‘Conan’ at the White House, the dog that played a key role in the death of ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi pic.twitter.com/PBkVCbQWjD

— Daily Caller (@DailyCaller) November 25, 2019

Trump praised the hero dog who hunted down the terrorist, so that means dogs are bad now and terrorists are good. You can’t like dogs anymore. In any dispute between a Trump dog and a terrorist, you have to root for the terrorist or else you love Trump. If you still like dogs after today, you have to wear a MAGA hat all the time. Sorry, those are the rules.

Trump is also pardoning a couple of turkeys, named Bread and Butter. It seems dumb to name an animal that won’t come when you call it, but whatever. Pardoning turkeys is what American presidents traditionally do the week of Thanksgiving, but since when is Trump a traditional president? He should feed those dopey birds to Conan the Hero Dog instead. Then he’ll win 2020 in a landslide.

Update:

CNN, MSNBC Refuse to Carry WH Event for Conan the Dog from the al-Baghdadi Raid https://t.co/pBeQn6KEz5

— Curtis Houck (@CurtisHouck) November 25, 2019