Am I the only cat from Detroit who is not a rapper?
FACT-O-RAMA! When I was growing up in Detroit, most kids wanted to be hockey players.
A Detroit rapper you've never heard of yet cannot miss is suing Lyft because the driver refused to let the Falstaffian freestyler in his car, lest her weight cause his tires to expire.
Somehow, in my Motown hometown where crime is rampant, our sports teams flounder, and the Detroit-area unemployment rate is 4.9%, the salad-dodging rapper, Dank Demoss, is going "viral" according to the news crew eager to prove yet another form of "bigotry": a man trying to protect his automobile from a bulky passenger.
MAD BOMB SHOUTS-O-RAMA! I love how the journalist said Dank was "crushed" by the whole situation. #WompWomp
I don't care about her weight — heck, a lot of guys go "big game hunting" at closing time — it's the serpentine lawyer with the beyond stereotypical slicked-back hair pretending that not allowing a pursy person into a car is akin to saying "I don't want to have black people in my car, or Christians in my car, or Muslims in my car. It's the same. Under the law, it's the same."
Should a ride-share driver have to risk his suspension for someone who prefers pudding pops to push-ups? #SedanLivesMatter.
Lyft drivers can refuse riders based on safety reasons. Can one argue that hoisting a 400-pounder into a small vehicle will reduce the safety of operating the vehicle? Yes, one can successfully argue this point.
More importantly, should the rest of the nation be forced to cater to people — and risk the automobile they use to put food on the table — who don't care enough about themselves to take an occasional walk? Man, does this steam my clams.
'That's Not MY Butt!'
Deontae Brown, 26, a "traveling pharmaceutical salesman" in Toledo pleaded not guilty to hiding drugs in his bahookie after he was arrested last August. In a courtroom on Tuesday, he changed his plea to guilty, thus preventing him from having to testify about how he stuffed cocaine up his cloaca, which would have been hilarious.
I suspect business will drop once the dope sniffers in Toldeo learn where Mr. Brown stored his product, but I would have thoroughly enjoyed his testimony as he claimed the crack in his crack was not his.
Clown-slap of the Week Goes to...
No one deserves the award more than legendary pinchbeck Pawnee Elizabeth Warren, who just signed a letter "excoriating" President Trump over the price of eggs.
As President Trump is busily signing upward of 300 executive orders regarding protecting our borders, removing illegal aliens who rape and murder women and children, and freeing political prisoners, Warren is whining that, after a week in office, the price of eggs has yet to fall.
Related: This Steams My Clams: Ivermectin Is Suddenly OK for COVID?
America's best-known imitation indigenous person somehow forgot the price of the incredible edibles ballooned under four years of the "Biden" administration, partly due to some crafty gain-of-function bird flu that is slaughtering jungle-fowls nationwide.
Egg prices are up because of bird flu. Trump had nothing to do with this. pic.twitter.com/LoQjKw7ci2
— Leigh10021 (@tarheel_texas) January 28, 2025
Not to mention, Warren's home state of Massachusetts Ninnimissinuok decided in 2022 that it would outlaw eggs from chickens living in cages, thus further driving up the price. Ditto other (mostly) Democrat toilet states like California, Michigan, Oregon and Washington.
FACT-O-RAMA! I can neither confirm nor deny that eggs from free-range chickens taste "happier."
Sen. Warrenpath, for all you do, this clown slap is for YOU.
Check back every week to read more about the morons who may not make the headlines, but continue to boil my lobsters, sear my meat, and steam my clams!
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