POLITICO Predicts: Presidential Pardons for Anthony Fauci, Liz Cheney, and Adam Schiff?

AP Photo/Ben Curtis

“I hope Americans will understand why a father and a President would come to this decision,” President Biden wrote in the last line of his statement explaining his unconditional pardon of his son, Hunter Biden. In doing so, he actually went full circle: The very first line of his statement emphasized their father-son relationship as well: “Today I signed a pardon for my son Hunter.”

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So it was Biden’s open and close.

His PR team deliberately positioned it this way, of course. They had to: Hunter Biden isn’t a sympathetic character. He’s an adulterous, gun-toting addict who broke laws, ripped-off creditors, and used his dad’s connections to pocket millions of dollars he didn’t deserve. 

That’s not exactly the resume of Atticus Finch.

On the merits of the case — or the strength of his character — Hunter Biden is a PR nightmare. He’s a spoiled, unlikeable trust fund kid who dotes on hookers, guns, and oodles of drugs. From his bizarre affair with his brother’s widow to denying paternity (and money) to a child he fathered with a stripper, Hunter Biden isn’t the kind of guy you can stick on “The View” and hope he charms middle America.

The opposite is true: The more we see and hear, the less we like.

Which is why the White House PR team emphasized their father-son relationship above all else. Even if Hunter was (is?) a dirtbag, surely we can understand a father’s love for his child! Why, any father would do the same!

All Joe Biden is guilty of is loving his son.

Trouble is, everyone sitting in a jail cell right now is someone’s son or daughter. Many of them have sons and daughters of their own. But they don’t get a presidential pardon, because they didn’t roll a “BIDEN” in the genetic lottery.

It’s not fair.

So now, all the Democrats who’ve been huddled ‘round the campfire since 2016, hearing spooky stories about the Evil Orange Man, are looking at Joe and Hunter, and thinking to themselves, “Pass the pardon doobie, bro!”

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They want to be protected from the Evil Orange Man, too. They’re not the president’s son, but they’re still perfectly capable of acting (and thinking) like little children. (Doesn’t that count?)

POLITICO broke an interesting story this evening: “Biden White House Is Discussing Preemptive Pardons for Those in Trump’s Crosshairs.”

“Biden’s aides are deeply concerned about a range of current and former officials who could find themselves facing inquiries and even indictments, a sense of alarm which has only accelerated since Trump last weekend announced the appointment of Kash Patel to lead the FBI,” wrote POLITCO.

Four names were explicitly mentioned as deserving of preemptive pardons: Sen.-elect Adam Schiff (D-Calif.), Dr. Anthony Facui, and ex-Rep. Liz Cheney (formerly a Republican, formerly of Wyoming).

To all of you “unwashed masses,” this would seem sort of suspicious. Why issue blanket pardons to these three people who claim they’ve done nothing wrong — and who haven’t been charged with crimes? Don’t you have ANY faith in our judicial system? 

Because otherwise, issuing blanket pardons sure sounds like the actions of a guilty man covering for his coconspirators.

But that’s just because you lack a liberal’s nuanced, sophisticated understanding of cause and effect. POLITICO made it abundantly clear that this is all [gestures wildly]… Trump’s fault:

That the conversations are taking place at all reflects the growing anxieties among high-level Democrats about just how far Trump’s reprisals could go once he reclaims power. The remarkable, 11-year breadth of Biden’s pardon of his son Hunter illustrated how worried the White House is about Trump officials seizing any potential openings for prosecution.

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Curses and drat! That blasted Trump forced President Biden into pardoning Hunter, and now he’s gonna make him pardon everyone else! That Donald Trump is a real troublemaker.

First, President Biden swore there’d be no presidential pardon for Hunter. Then, on Sunday evening, he changed his tune and said he’d make an exception — but only for Hunter. 

Well, the rest of the Democrats had a “hold my beer” moment and figured, hey, since we’re sliding off that slippery slope anyway, the next obvious step is to also pardon everyone who’s kinda-sorta like Hunter… like me!

Consider POLITICO’s article a test balloon.

It’s an attempt to move the goalposts one more time. But it won’t be the last time: There’s still (sigh) 47 days to go.

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