I am writing this on Tuesday night, two weeks before Election Day. Before you rush to the comments to be pedantic, it's still called "Election Day" despite early voting and the fact that tallying the votes now takes longer than when ballots were being delivered via riders on horseback.
This election brings with it some added stress. I had a dream about it a few weeks ago, a first in my long election history since I became old enough to vote. My liver is aware of what I put it through in 2020 and 2022, and I'm sure that it is in a dead panic about what might happen to it in the next few weeks.
It's both a blessing and a curse that there is not much of a stigma attached to boozing it up if you're a comic or a writer. The corporate world has Monday morning meetings and lunch rooms; we've got free drinks at the comedy club and well-stocked bar carts at home.
Because we're professionals, damn it.
It hit me about a month ago that this election was probably assigned to the "curse" category when it came to workplace imbibing.
The liver gets a lot of abuse from people like me because of its ability to regenerate tissue. It's not a wuss organ like the other ones that start tapping out the moment they get a little beaten up. The liver will pop up after a four-day bender and say, "Hey pal, it's gonna take more than a Tijuana donkey show gone awry and a bunch of breakfast bourbon to get rid of me."
Respect.
Since my liver has been a steady companion and there for me all of my life, I'm trying to give it a break this election season. The temptation to lean on it regardless of the outcome is strong. Should Trump win, we're going to want to celebrate at least until the Democrats start rioting.
If Madame Veep wins, I'm going to want to hijack a train that's carrying mezcal and disappear into the desert and drunkenly scream "WHY!!!!" for a week or two.
I'm going to try and dial things down a bit and avoid either scenario. Temperance is not an option — I know my limitations. I just want my liver to know that we will get through this together and relatively intact.
There's going to be a lot of expatriate time on a beach in Mexico if Princess Cackles makes off with this election. I'm gonna need my buddy at full strength when we embark on that adventure.
Na zdrowie!
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