“Where’s the beef?” was the killer Wendy’s ad slogan almost no one around my age or older will ever forget.
Making fun of McDonald’s tiny burger patties (without mentioning any names), three delightful, no-BS old ladies inspected a competitor’s burger. Lifting the bun and poking around whatever was under there, one of the ladies vented in frustration: “Where’s the beef?”
It was nowhere to be found. Point made.
Aside: At Lindy’s New York Deli, a waiter was supposed to have asked Groucho Marx how he found his steak. “Quite by accident,” Groucho said. “I moved that piece of tomato and there it was.”
The next reporter or civilian to run into self-styled grilling expert (and former/future Democratic Virginia governor) Terry McAuliffe needs to ask him:
WHERE’S THE HEAT?
As you’ll see in this brief, cringe-filled video, McAuliffe likes to load up his cold grill before he lights the propane.
Assuming he was actually going to do anything with that meat other than play the poseur.
This is the most cringeworthy “regular Joe” political ad since well-heeled Dem bigshot politico Elizabeth Warren said she was “gonna get me a beer” on Instagram.
Somebody in the McAuliffe camp thought this was a good idea. Somebody thought it was good enough to post to Twitter.
Heads should roll, if only because the grill wasn’t even on.
But no, we’re just getting started.
I’m an admitted charcoal snob and wouldn’t be caught dead in front of a gas grill. But I’d rather be caught dead and naked in a bed full of hobos than release a video riddled with as many embarrassing errors as McAuliffe’s.
Recommended: Charcoal Is Better
Let’s go to Twitter for the full grilling McAuliffe deserved and his meat never got.
This was actually the first thing I noticed, before even realizing the gas was off. My brain went from “Where’s the beef?” to Mr. T: “I pity the fool who crowds his grill.”
Let’s give McAuliffe some small amount of credit: His ice-cold beer wasn’t going to get hot sitting next to the cold grill. On the other hand, being something of a professional drinker, it would be my advice to keep the beer further away from the grill.
And for best results, try opening the can.
Canned beer? Ew. I’d almost rather grill over gas.
I’d add one other complaint about the wardrobe choices: Did they get the ensemble off a single hanger at Kohl’s that morning or as long ago as the day before? It couldn’t look any newer if it still had a theft-prevention device attached.
Cold grill, overcrowded, pre-loaded (NEVER put food on a cold grilling surface!), unopened beer, fake wardrobe, awkward delivery.
You might never again see so much fail in so few seconds, not even if you spent the next 20 years watching TikTok with your eyelids propped open with toothpicks.
The only decent thing about McAuliffe’s video is that at least he didn’t call grilling “BBQ.”
But that’s an issue we went over last year, if you’ll recall.
There's nothing better than BBQ—except for winning this Senate seat, of course. pic.twitter.com/oEsDXIZ5O2
— Cal Cunningham (@CalforNC) September 28, 2020
Here’s a #ProTip for our pols: If you’re going to pretend to be a man of the people or whatever, get the details right.
If there’s one thing Americans of almost any stripe can do, it’s picking out a fraud.
My question is: Why do we keep voting for them?
